16 Aug COVID-19 in August Mood?
Good. Real good. Chillin’. Big site look and feel change coming this week. Feel a little guilty for neglecting my baby while forging my path to greatness on Medium and Wattpad. But the more eyes the better and HoganTorah.com is what it is. Slowing feeding them my repository of remastered Quora, 4chan, and b3ta shitposts. What exactly is a shitpost? Any post of mine that isn’t great.
I’ve written about 15 things to date I consider great. The rankings always change. Popularity has nothing to do with it. The horse story? Shitpost. Liz Taylor’s AC showers? Shitpost. Even though they combined for almost 1 million views they are no where near my best work which is usually what I considered ignored. Clone sex? 50k views. I know these stories have the potential to be bigger than those they just need to be in the right place.
Wattpad I’m just fucking around on. They might be into some of my erotica considering it’s all kids there. What? I remember when I was 12. A porno could get you in big trouble but I could read Judy Blume’s Forever in the living room and no one would bat an eye.
I love Judy Blume. Big inspiration. I’m going to buy those books for my niece and nephew at some point.
Wattpad is not the place.
I have this idea for a book that will do gangbusters on Wattpad, check it: I win the lottery and buy the WWE. I sign BTS. Start a 7 man tag division and book them like Hogan, Hulk. No one alive will be able to beat them so I’ll use my money to figure out how to re-animate dead wrestlers and accidentally cure COVID, AIDS, and cancer with same drug. That’s what they want? I’ll write it just to prove I can.
For now I’m just fucking around posting old stuff on Wattpad, But I must admit I am having a blast making these covers.
I’m sorry, I have to show this again. It’s just roommate sex and this probably isn’t the picture I should have used but come on!
That’s good shit!!! I am the GIMP master!
Where is the right place?
I don’t know. Trying to figure that out. For right now, it’s Medium.
Medium is good for me because once I make it there the concern of finances is gone and I can stop doing the menial stupidity of helping people lift things, fixing computers, and the handyman work I’m currently helping my elderly neighbors with for a few bucks or free if they’re broke. Because it’s the right thing to.
A week ago I was completely frustrated with Medium. After 50 posts I still had no eyes on my work. I didn’t even want to mention it here because it was embarrassing with my 50 pity claps per story. Whoever that was thank you. Really. I mean it.
I was trying to do the same thing I did on Quora. Which was give them something they hadn’t seen before. But no one was looking.
I need to get into a publication.
What’s my specialty? Sex and drugs and music.
Sex sells on medium, but not actual sex. Write an article about your vagina and it will be seen by hundreds of thousands. Write a story about things going into vaginas and it’s erotica/porn. They hide those behind the Cosmopolitans. I don’t know shit about sex except how to have it. Which is more than most.
Drugs are weird in general but also on Medium. All the publications are about microdosing. Which by the way I feel is a waste. If I wanna trip I wanna trip balls! Fuck a body high. I wanna see that fractal fucking pyramid come at me spinning on 5 axis while pyramids within the pyramids are spinning within 5 axisis of they’re own. I want that! Otherwise I’ll drink a beer. Which sounds delicious right now… And it’s 20 minutes later and I’m drinking a beer.
I wish I had money for more. (looks longingly at Buy Hogan a Beer tab feeling sorry for it sitting there unloved and unclicked)
Music? No one gives a shit about music at the moment. Bands can’t tour and the zeitgeist seems to have their ears and eyes on the other types of media that uses music for background and doesn’t pay royalties. I feel bad for my musician friends.
Sex, drugs, and rock and roll ain’t going to cut it.
What else you got?
Though I don’t write humor really. There’s humor on Medium but it’s not very funny. A bunch of Dad jokes. Maybe that’s what I can change. Show them some of my absurdist humor masquerading as Dad Jokes.
Where to publish it?
Medium has publications. It’s like Quora groups but completely different. They say it doesn’t matter if you aren’t in a popular publication. Which is a lie because 90% of everything in my feed is in a publication and popular one at that. So I just went for the biggest.
Slackjaw is the biggest humor publication but they have a problem. It’s not funny. Funny concepts poorly executed. The editor wanted idea pitches. I don’t write pitches for five minute stories, I just write a fucking five minute story. If you don’t want it go fuck yourself.
I gave them an improved Was Jesus Buff? answer. Which I do consider great though it was ignored. 3 weeks later they said no. Fine. Fuck you. My work is too good for your dad jokes stretched out for 2 pages humor.
I’m not okay with having my writing rejected.
I handle people rejecting me no problem, but rejecting my writing is new and unfamiliar. I don’t like it but know I need to accept that I’m not everyone’s cuppa tea.
MuddyUm was the publication I identified as the funniest. Great writing by funny people. Hell yeah. I want in. I submitted Stop asking kids what they want to be when they grow up. Another example of my A stuff. No shit post there. I got a reply back the same the day.
Yes! I’m in. Not only that but they have a group on Facebook. A group with more writers I admire in a Facebook group? Yes please and thank you. Bonus perk. Good choice Logan.
My Shulgin Story was curated! (your first is a big deal)
That’s it from Los Angeles in August 2020. Worst summer ever. Fuck COVID. Still hotter than shit. 108 yesterday but only 102 today. Thanks for reading. I appreciate you all.