An Immortal, Indestructible, Hyper-Intelligent Gorilla Whose Goal is to Throw Plates at you Until the End of Time Appears in Your kitchen.

First, someone went way too far in training this gorilla. Like, you have this gorilla that’s basically a deity and you have somehow trained it to throw plates in my general direction. Not sure what I did to deserve this honor. Maybe you are one of the liberals who didn’t like me calling the movie Little Darlings kiddy porn. But someone has trained this eternal gorilla to throw plates at me.

Dope. Sounds like my second wife.

First, since It’s hyper intelligent, I’d appeal to it’s sense of purpose.


Hopefully it understands English. Spanish works too. Hebrew would pushing it. I don’t know sign language so it would only understand sign language because I already pissed someone off to use their gorilla deity to chuck plates at me.

If I leave the kitchen is it still throwing plates at me? Does it try to stay in the kitchen? What’s it’s range? Assuming that it stays in the kitchen, I learn sign language from Youtube videos in the other room.

This is helpful. And has a half million hits..

So I’m standing there and I’m looking at this immortal, indestructible, hyper-intelligent gorilla whose sole goal is to throw plates at me until the end of time. Kinda seems like a waste but hey, it’s your gorilla. So I say to the Gorilla, I says. “Hey Harambe!” but nonverbaly. I bust out my new found signing knowledge and sign it. So I’m talking with my hands to this undead gorilla and I say “Hey, Gorilla. So, what are they paying you to throw dishes at my head?” The Gorilla is like “Paying me?”

I look at the guerrilla and says “Yeah! Bananas? Gorilla women? Money to buy things?” The gorilla thinks and goes, “I could use some new dishes…”

I’ve taken too much time answering this stupid question. My first ASMR video debut drops next Thursday. I’m going to hypnotize you to lose weight, stop smoking, and upvote all my posts.

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