06 Jul I cut a fart that evacuated the school gym
The bleacher fart.
I don’t know if the milk I poured in my cereal that morning had gone bad. I’m not sure if it was whatever I ate for dinner the night before…
It was during the first week of my physical education period for the second semester for 9th grade. No one was assigned a sport so we all just sat in the pull out bleachers until it was all sorted.
The first fart was silent so no blame was assigned. But the effects were felt within a 10 person radius. People were gagging, dry heaving, looking around pissed off. But no one could pin point it.
The second fart… Not so lucky. It was 10x the volume of the first one. I spread my ass cheeks and lifted the left one as much as possible while sitting on the pull out bleachers. The first half of the fart went off without a hitch. The second half…
Ooh. That was bad. I went crimson.
The disgusted looks turned to anger. The looks of anger quickly dissipated to, “Oh my god! What’s wrong with you! That’s not human!” Kids were running, screaming. A girl threw up. It was likely the worst fart I ever cut. The gym was in a state of pandemonium.
“Ok! Everyone outside!” Said Coach Rahab.
My fart had cleared the gym. Just under 1,000 kids.
The funny thing was that that fart made me one of the most popular kids at school. I mean, that fart took on legendary status. My one fart. Caused the evacuation of the entire gym for 4th period physical education.
Funny? Even more so!