Things I avoid

  1. Any talk of politics. Politics is a shitstorm waiting to happen. You aren’t going to change anyone’s mind.
  2. People that still use heroin. Don’t tempt me.
  3. Bathrooms after other people have used them or while they are using them. Why the fuck is there a couch in fancy women’s restrooms? Who wants to hang in a room where someone is dropping a duce?
  4. Bathroom stalls at LAX. I was 8 when I asked my Dad what it meant when someone slid their foot over to your stall. Perverts
  5. Schemes from drug addicts. All I have to do is cash this check you say? I’m going to pass.
  6. Talking about the personal lives of notable people who are friends and acquaintances. Because that’s the quickest ticket out of the loop.
  7. Fortified wines. At my age I’d have a hangover for a month.
  8. People trying to talk to me outside of 7–11. See number 5. It’s never anything good so I’m going to keep walking, get my slurpee and ignore you on the way out. But god bless!
  9. Getting in the middle or being anywhere near stupid internet shit. I have beef with no one. If you have beef with me, it’s probably justified but I don’t care. I’m just some asshole on the internet as all of you all are. Except Logan Paul. Fuck that guy.
  10. Getting romantically involved with people I meet online. But I do it anyways.
  11. Proving anything I say is true. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Take everything I say with a grain of salt.
  12. Salt. I dated a girl who oversalted the shit out of everything. It was incredibly frustrating because you could taste the food was delicious but it had a handful of salt in it.
  13. Ending lists on an even number.
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